BOOBS

Why they wouldn't just pick a size and stick with it I don't know. I do know, however, that there is no rhyme or reason to their bad behavior. I spend a lot of time in search of logic in this world and I see none here. I feel outsmarted by those beautiful things. I am too forgiving of the hell they put me through.

And no-one tells you this. You go to the store and they are like "Yeh, you are wearing the wrong size. You should be wearing this other (almost the same) size." So you feel like you're on top of it, "Leave it to the professionals," you think. So you begrudgingly spend a couple of hundred bucks and think you won't have to go back to that awful mall for a year. WRONG! It could happen any time. After you happily throw all the 'wrong' size bras to the back of the drawer and look forward to a satisfying, low-drama relationship with the new ones, is when they start to fuck with you.

Sure, you might put on your new lacy black number and have yourself a great night out. And everyone is like, "Have you lost weight?", but you just thank them and not tell them that it's just all in the attitude and you are feeling pretty pleased with yourself tonight. You start to think you're getting the upper hand and may win this battle ones and for all. Don't be fooled.

It could be the next day or the next week. You put on some tunes, take a shower and go about happily singing along while digging through the closet and thinking you'll totally be ready to go out in about 30-45. So you put on your still new but tried and tested undergarments and the rest of your elaborate outfit. Then you realize that something doesn't feel right. The bra straps won't stay where they should and doesn't even feel like you're wearing one. So you peel off all layers to get to the source of the problem and sure enough find that you are wearing a bra that's way too big for you. How is that? So it's back to the drawing board, or rather to the back of the drawer for those 'wrong' bras you are so happy you didn't throw away. An hour and a half later you finally walk out of the house confused and attempt to forget the whole thing and embark upon a fun night. But, on this night, no-one asks you if you've lost weight, even though you probably have since you are wearing the smallest bra you own.

And that's that. They are evil.

Once I figure out what makes them grow, the secret ingredinet so many ladies are hoping exists, I will be laughing all the way to the bank.* If only they could talk, would they tell me?**


* Disclaimer: no-one ever does that.
Even if you're putting lots of money in the bank, it's still no fun going in there.

**Is it beer, booze, food, sex, hormones, pot, shrooms, the weather, .....what is it?

that Sam Bradford won the Heisman

that whole thing was some boooollshit.

I need not say any more.

Mohawk

WTF!!! 30 bucks for a show? I know Ice Cube is the shit, but cmmon now.

Not good!

Brodie Ln

Where The Fu*k is it?

If you ask an Austinite where Some Street in Austin is, they will tell you, "Get on Mopac. You don't wanna go near 35. Go N/S and so on..."

With Brodie Ln. it's a different story. You will receive a variety of answers to this question, only SOME of which will begin with "Get on Mopac" If you then opt for just figuring it out, you're fucked.

It exists in some place, which you may reach through a rabbit hole at the intersection of three freeways. If you're lucky to 'figure it out', you will successfully arrive at the mall mecca where creepy songs are played on the background (I'm just a Christmas hater).

If you make it out of there alive DO NOT try to 'figure out' your way back because you think you know what you're doing now. It's not like "take a bite from this side of the mushroom and you're there, bite from the other side and you're back home."

There is no moral to this story for you, but I learned something today. I don't know my ass from my elbow.

Tear

that Jon Stewart is getting soft

Mike Huckabee is a dangerous. Mostly to the ladies. WTF business does he have (and all the other doods SHUT UP!) talking about a woman's right to get an abortion if she has decided that unfortunately at this time in her life it would be the best thing to do?

Don't get me started on "the 'health' of the mother", McCain is a dick, since 2006, a fucking sell out piece of shit.

Focus. Why does Joh Stewart say he "understands The Religious Right's motivation" in their "pro-life quest". What?

A. Using their coined term for what is an anti-choice march just promotes the simplification of the debate of a serious issue of separation of church and state. "Words is all [they] have to play with" (VN) and they do it well.

B. Why is Joh Stewart falling for this 'must be respectful of religion' crap? He is a comedian, or is he a pussy? Does Viacom, who owns Comedy Central, also own Sentinel HC*, the publisher of Mike Huckabee's 'book'? YES

*Sentinel HC is owned by Pinguin USA is owned by Pearson is owned by Viacom

This is serious Jon, don't let them silence you just because you have a second mortgage in the Hamptons!

that my boyfriend has way nicer clothes than me

What do you do if you don't like shopping but don't want to look like a bum?

Fu$k it, I'll go, I'll go, I'll consume. Fucking fine.

But I wanna stay home and listen to Anders Osborne. BTW I am still amazed by the ingenuity of my new roommate, who hooked up a badass sound system. Score!

But now I am just trying to change the subject. Must go shop.

Soon

Maybe

i have no talent

This is a bear, white and plump. With his paws he likes to stomp.

This is a kitty, black and round. It is the cutest thing around.

This is a berry, blue and round. It is the cutest thing around.

What is the cutest thing around?



This is the best I got...for now

Hmmm...

leafblowers

Really? Fu$king really? What IS that all about?

Hey Dick, let's burn some gas and blow leaves from one part of the street to another. That's a great idea, Randy. Let's do it every day. I don't how they just won't stay where we blew them to yesterday.

That is some pointless, loud as hell, wasteful, intrusive, aggravating sh*t.

Comes with a migraine in every blow. Guaranteed or your money back!

See you tomorrow Dick and Randy, creeping around my apartment.

Can't wait!

allegations raised on the Internet which say that the birth certificate, showing that Obama was born in Hawaii on Aug. 4, 1961, is a fake.

Shame on Leo Donofrio of East Brunswick, N.J. and Philip J. Berg of Lafayette Hill, Pa. for wasting the Supreme Court's time. You fu*king douchbags, don't you think some people a LOT smarter than you (I know that's not saying much) would have checked before throwing so much money and effort behind him?

Get some self-respect. You lost, shut up! You have no idea what matters. If you have so much extra time on your hands why don't you use it to help someone, you selfish fu*ks!

Boooo

facebook

have those geniuses not discovered the beauty of the bcc option? and WHY can't I send a message to more than 20 people...ha?

sucky

lunch

WTF is the deal?

It's either melted plastic cheese cuisine or my bf and I have to spend 50 bucks?

Help!

attempting to get places in Austin

I knew that all I had to do to gather new material is to venture outside and Oh God No! run some errands. I must repeat, what grids my gears is the awesome genius of APD.

I know, I know we have sooo much crime that the evening news people, instead of shooting themselves in the head as they should do asap, actually 'report' on kitties stuck in the trees, but, c'mmon now, are the cops (and sorry have to throw in the AFD, who are an accessory to this 'heroic act' of 'protecting us') really that bored that it takes 3 (!) cop cars and 2 (!) large fire trucks to prevent the 'able' Austin driver from running into a pot hole?

Fine, a pot hole can hurt your car....wawawawa BUT maybe you deserve it if you are not looking forward while moving forward. Some of us, however, are perfectly capable of avoiding a pot hole and do not deserve to get stuck for 30 minutes while innocently attempting to proceed through the Oltorf/S.Congress light.

While I'm on the subject, a couple of weeks ago I was equally fascinated by the APD's decision to block off both of the Southbound lanes and the chicken lane of S.Congress at Monroe onward because a very dangerous string dangling down from a banner.

Give it a Goddamn rest and do something useful. Fuck, this grind my gearses.

Be safe out there, pull your head out of your ass and proceed with caution!

Peace

that my boyfriend is a douche

who right in front of me would say on the phone "Girl, I'm in the belly of the beast. I haven't hung out with anyone but Ioulia (that's me) in a couple of weeks."

Wow!