Aha! The Church of Scientology is not so friendly with the sciences. I've never seen anyone do addition the way they do and I've seen a lot of math-doing-attempting in my time. Here I am thinking that "standardized testing" is , you-know, standardized, fair, unbias, all that jazz.
Ha! Not at church!
At the Church of Scientology they give men 5 extra points on their 'IQ' test! Fuckers!
WTF is she doing taking the Scientology tests, you might be wondering. Well, why the fuck not -- it was supposed to be fun or funny or both...and the free brownies didn't hurt either. The day was sunny, I live near, why not venture and get some material, make fun of the weirdos? We sufficiently caught up on our Scientology research through the official sources - South Park and Wikipedia. The test is better described by my friend but let's just say 'standardized' seemed to be lurking somewhere in the proximity. The uber fucked up thing was that I answered more questions correctly, but was issued a lower score than my testing partner - a dude. Maybe he also got extra points for being white, tall and handsome, who the hell knows with those freaks.
Let me repeat. I answered more questions correctly and when their local math genius deducted the 27 wrongs from the total 80 questions, she was doing alright at first and got 53, successfully repeated the procedure on my friend's test and got 49. She then bluntly asked which test was who's and then it all went pare-shaped -- she added 75 points to his score and 70 to mine and announced Congratulations! You both did great!
Ok, that's lovely! Good to know the Scientologists think I'm smart and am "in the top 10% of people" (I'm only quoting). BUT! They scored him better than me - I don't mean to be kicking a dead horse - but I answered more questions correctly. Who knows how the scores would have gone had we taken the tests seriously, but I do know how the 'math' afterwards would have gone - he gets 75 more points and I, 70.
What are they trying to say? Man better than woman? Man -- head of the family unit? The provider? Leader? How the fuck they dare to say they aren't a religion I don't understand. Seems like religion 101 to me. I guess I would never make it to high ranks of the strong male leaders of Scientology?
Fucking heh - way to ruin a fun time. Fuckfaces!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
BOOBS
Why they wouldn't just pick a size and stick with it I don't know. I do know, however, that there is no rhyme or reason to their bad behavior. I spend a lot of time in search of logic in this world and I see none here. I feel outsmarted by those beautiful things. I am too forgiving of the hell they put me through.
And no-one tells you this. You go to the store and they are like "Yeh, you are wearing the wrong size. You should be wearing this other (almost the same) size." So you feel like you're on top of it, "Leave it to the professionals," you think. So you begrudgingly spend a couple of hundred bucks and think you won't have to go back to that awful mall for a year. WRONG! It could happen any time. After you happily throw all the 'wrong' size bras to the back of the drawer and look forward to a satisfying, low-drama relationship with the new ones, is when they start to fuck with you.
Sure, you might put on your new lacy black number and have yourself a great night out. And everyone is like, "Have you lost weight?", but you just thank them and not tell them that it's just all in the attitude and you are feeling pretty pleased with yourself tonight. You start to think you're getting the upper hand and may win this battle ones and for all. Don't be fooled.
It could be the next day or the next week. You put on some tunes, take a shower and go about happily singing along while digging through the closet and thinking you'll totally be ready to go out in about 30-45. So you put on your still new but tried and tested undergarments and the rest of your elaborate outfit. Then you realize that something doesn't feel right. The bra straps won't stay where they should and doesn't even feel like you're wearing one. So you peel off all layers to get to the source of the problem and sure enough find that you are wearing a bra that's way too big for you. How is that? So it's back to the drawing board, or rather to the back of the drawer for those 'wrong' bras you are so happy you didn't throw away. An hour and a half later you finally walk out of the house confused and attempt to forget the whole thing and embark upon a fun night. But, on this night, no-one asks you if you've lost weight, even though you probably have since you are wearing the smallest bra you own.
And that's that. They are evil.
Once I figure out what makes them grow, the secret ingredinet so many ladies are hoping exists, I will be laughing all the way to the bank.* If only they could talk, would they tell me?**
* Disclaimer: no-one ever does that.
Even if you're putting lots of money in the bank, it's still no fun going in there.
**Is it beer, booze, food, sex, hormones, pot, shrooms, the weather, .....what is it?
And no-one tells you this. You go to the store and they are like "Yeh, you are wearing the wrong size. You should be wearing this other (almost the same) size." So you feel like you're on top of it, "Leave it to the professionals," you think. So you begrudgingly spend a couple of hundred bucks and think you won't have to go back to that awful mall for a year. WRONG! It could happen any time. After you happily throw all the 'wrong' size bras to the back of the drawer and look forward to a satisfying, low-drama relationship with the new ones, is when they start to fuck with you.
Sure, you might put on your new lacy black number and have yourself a great night out. And everyone is like, "Have you lost weight?", but you just thank them and not tell them that it's just all in the attitude and you are feeling pretty pleased with yourself tonight. You start to think you're getting the upper hand and may win this battle ones and for all. Don't be fooled.
It could be the next day or the next week. You put on some tunes, take a shower and go about happily singing along while digging through the closet and thinking you'll totally be ready to go out in about 30-45. So you put on your still new but tried and tested undergarments and the rest of your elaborate outfit. Then you realize that something doesn't feel right. The bra straps won't stay where they should and doesn't even feel like you're wearing one. So you peel off all layers to get to the source of the problem and sure enough find that you are wearing a bra that's way too big for you. How is that? So it's back to the drawing board, or rather to the back of the drawer for those 'wrong' bras you are so happy you didn't throw away. An hour and a half later you finally walk out of the house confused and attempt to forget the whole thing and embark upon a fun night. But, on this night, no-one asks you if you've lost weight, even though you probably have since you are wearing the smallest bra you own.
And that's that. They are evil.
Once I figure out what makes them grow, the secret ingredinet so many ladies are hoping exists, I will be laughing all the way to the bank.* If only they could talk, would they tell me?**
* Disclaimer: no-one ever does that.
Even if you're putting lots of money in the bank, it's still no fun going in there.
**Is it beer, booze, food, sex, hormones, pot, shrooms, the weather, .....what is it?
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Brodie Ln
Where The Fu*k is it?
If you ask an Austinite where Some Street in Austin is, they will tell you, "Get on Mopac. You don't wanna go near 35. Go N/S and so on..."
With Brodie Ln. it's a different story. You will receive a variety of answers to this question, only SOME of which will begin with "Get on Mopac" If you then opt for just figuring it out, you're fucked.
It exists in some place, which you may reach through a rabbit hole at the intersection of three freeways. If you're lucky to 'figure it out', you will successfully arrive at the mall mecca where creepy songs are played on the background (I'm just a Christmas hater).
If you make it out of there alive DO NOT try to 'figure out' your way back because you think you know what you're doing now. It's not like "take a bite from this side of the mushroom and you're there, bite from the other side and you're back home."
There is no moral to this story for you, but I learned something today. I don't know my ass from my elbow.
Tear
If you ask an Austinite where Some Street in Austin is, they will tell you, "Get on Mopac. You don't wanna go near 35. Go N/S and so on..."
With Brodie Ln. it's a different story. You will receive a variety of answers to this question, only SOME of which will begin with "Get on Mopac" If you then opt for just figuring it out, you're fucked.
It exists in some place, which you may reach through a rabbit hole at the intersection of three freeways. If you're lucky to 'figure it out', you will successfully arrive at the mall mecca where creepy songs are played on the background (I'm just a Christmas hater).
If you make it out of there alive DO NOT try to 'figure out' your way back because you think you know what you're doing now. It's not like "take a bite from this side of the mushroom and you're there, bite from the other side and you're back home."
There is no moral to this story for you, but I learned something today. I don't know my ass from my elbow.
Tear
that Jon Stewart is getting soft
Mike Huckabee is a dangerous. Mostly to the ladies. WTF business does he have (and all the other doods SHUT UP!) talking about a woman's right to get an abortion if she has decided that unfortunately at this time in her life it would be the best thing to do?
Don't get me started on "the 'health' of the mother", McCain is a dick, since 2006, a fucking sell out piece of shit.
Focus. Why does Joh Stewart say he "understands The Religious Right's motivation" in their "pro-life quest". What?
A. Using their coined term for what is an anti-choice march just promotes the simplification of the debate of a serious issue of separation of church and state. "Words is all [they] have to play with" (VN) and they do it well.
B. Why is Joh Stewart falling for this 'must be respectful of religion' crap? He is a comedian, or is he a pussy? Does Viacom, who owns Comedy Central, also own Sentinel HC*, the publisher of Mike Huckabee's 'book'? YES
*Sentinel HC is owned by Pinguin USA is owned by Pearson is owned by Viacom
Don't get me started on "the 'health' of the mother", McCain is a dick, since 2006, a fucking sell out piece of shit.
Focus. Why does Joh Stewart say he "understands The Religious Right's motivation" in their "pro-life quest". What?
A. Using their coined term for what is an anti-choice march just promotes the simplification of the debate of a serious issue of separation of church and state. "Words is all [they] have to play with" (VN) and they do it well.
B. Why is Joh Stewart falling for this 'must be respectful of religion' crap? He is a comedian, or is he a pussy? Does Viacom, who owns Comedy Central, also own Sentinel HC*, the publisher of Mike Huckabee's 'book'? YES
*Sentinel HC is owned by Pinguin USA is owned by Pearson is owned by Viacom
This is serious Jon, don't let them silence you just because you have a second mortgage in the Hamptons!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
that my boyfriend has way nicer clothes than me
What do you do if you don't like shopping but don't want to look like a bum?
Fu$k it, I'll go, I'll go, I'll consume. Fucking fine.
But I wanna stay home and listen to Anders Osborne. BTW I am still amazed by the ingenuity of my new roommate, who hooked up a badass sound system. Score!
But now I am just trying to change the subject. Must go shop.
Soon
Maybe
Fu$k it, I'll go, I'll go, I'll consume. Fucking fine.
But I wanna stay home and listen to Anders Osborne. BTW I am still amazed by the ingenuity of my new roommate, who hooked up a badass sound system. Score!
But now I am just trying to change the subject. Must go shop.
Soon
Maybe
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